Through your life and through personal development, you become better acquainted with yourself. You learn from the mistakes of your past  relationships. You also discover the “walls” you sometimes set up around yourself and between you and your partner to continue to be comfortable and happy. But sometimes they are not so easy to recognize. Sometimes you do not behave so well towards your partner. Instead of showing love, respect and appreciating him, you create distrust and unhappiness. In today’s article, we will look at some of these small, yet common mistakes in a relationship  couples make that can create a great distance between them.

1. Love is not just about saying, “I love you”

You have certainly experienced this at some point. You’ve been in a relationship where it’s so easy to just say ‘I love you’ every day. And even though these words make us feel safe, words are not enough to express your love. You also have to do something to really show how happy you are with the other person. Therefore, we will focus here on common mistakes in a relationship.

People express love in different ways, and therefore misunderstandings and mistakes can occur in a relationship.

• Everyone expresses love in their own way. Some people are good at expressing themselves, while others may be more reticent and express their feelings in a more subtle way that requires a deeper understanding to be able to interpret them. But just because they show it less does not mean they “love less.” There are endless ways to show love.

• Some people expect to get affirmations of the other person’s feelings all the time: kisses, being touched, a hug… But you have to understand that not everyone has the same needs, and that does not mean that they love us any less.
• Love can also be expressed with a glance when needed. Maybe it’s just a smile that reminds you of your boyfriend’s unconditional support and admiration. Of course you wish your partner was better at expressing himself sometimes, and telling you every single day that he wants to be with you. But the most important thing is that when he does, no matter how rare, it is with complete sincerity.
• Evaluate your partner by actions, not just words. Words can sometimes lose their meaning or be misunderstood. And it is easy to lie with words, but not with actions. Notice how your partner treats you, how he cares for you, and whether he respects you…. It’s true love.

• If you are such a person who really needs the daily confirmation of love and you feel that “he loves you less than you love him” you need to talk to your partner. Tell him exactly what you need.

2. Love does not mean that you have to give everything of yourself without getting something back

This is a trap many people fall into. They believe that loving their partner means giving everything, offering themselves unconditionally and without limits. But be careful.

• It is important to love someone with wisdom and balance. You give of yourself to another person with the knowledge that you are going to be a “team.” You give of yourself and he gives back. You enrich each other’s lives, and based on maturity and individuality, you become a unit that grows day by day.

• If you give up everything for the other person, there will come a day when you will not only feel empty inside, but also  frustrated. It dawns on you that without even knowing it, you have locked yourself in the relationship and now there is no way out.
• Expecting your partner to do things for you is not selfish. Ultimately, both partners take care of each other, and both are equally responsible for how much happiness there is in the relationship.

3. If something is bothering you, do not sit still and wait for the other person to understand what he has done wrong

People do not know everything. A common mistake in a relationship is to believe that when something hurts us or bothers us, the partner will understand that this is exactly what happened.

But because of that, and instead of telling them what is bothering them, some people choose not to say anything and then eventually get angry. They feel overlooked by their partner and they punish him quietly.

This is a very immature strategy. If something bothers you, do not hold it inside you. And at least do not throw “invisible daggers” at your partner as it will only lead to a vicious circle of meaningless anger.

Do not be afraid to say your opinion. If something bothers you, say so. If you’re hurt, tell me. If you need anything, ask. Your partner is the person you have chosen to be with. You have to create harmony between you through dialogue and cooperation, not a battlefield.

4. Do not let “your whole world” revolve around your partner

Look at it this way: when you enter into a new relationship, you are both like children. You want to focus your whole world around that person. And that’s fine, because you’ve chosen to start a new life with him.

But keep the following in mind so that you avoid mistakes in a relationship:

• It is important to continue to grow personally. This means that every day you need to keep learning, experimenting with who you are. Do not neglect your education, your friends or your job.

• Conditions are of course important. But so are the other aspects of your life, such as exercise, your  circle of friends, and your free time. All this helps to enrich you as a person. And that in turn builds confidence and security.
• Having good self-esteem helps make a relationship happier. It is more mature. If you just focus on your partner and neglect your career or personal growth, you will eventually start to feel frustrated and even blame your partner for being unhappy.

You grow as an individual, and you grow as a couple. This is the way you will find true happiness in life. It’s really worth it.